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Man, I don't have any kids but I know that when I do if I'm ever told something like that I have no idea how I would cope with it. I'm sure both you and your wife are extremely upset right now, but you need to do your best to hold it together for your wife. My thoughts are with you. My PP is drained right now but I'll try to help later if I can.
A lot of good advice has been mentioned in this thread, one thing I want to bring up... about 10 years ago my mom had an experimental procedure done. She never would have been able to get it unless the medical company backed it. Since it was a new experiment, they paid for it and my mom simply has to help them with their research. Every 6-12 months she stays at a hospital for a weekend for testing and then she's on her merry way. This is something you should try to look into if at all possible.
Good luck man, I can't even imagine...
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