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Spitting on your significant other is not only demeaning it's a sign of 'disgust', the object (in this case you) is 'worthless' all this besides the fact of it being gross - there's not justifying it.
In a heated arguement and considering the upbringing psycho analysis - once the person did it once, that's where the person had to realize that they are continuing his,her parents' error. The cycle had to stop. By you essentially going back, calling a truce, forgiving or justifying it with his her childhood - you are, in fact, allowing this person to prolong their pain rather than stop, realize, commit to change and break the cycle.
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