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NikKay · 03-26-2007, 10:30 AM

I have been dealing one night a week at a local poker game for over a year now. It's a good, clean, fun game. There is a decent sized group of regulars and every tournament has at least 45 entrants. I make decent money for the time I put in my one night and I love the game so I have a good time watching the game unfold and the different playing styles and just socializing with lovers of poker. The guy who runs it is a really good guy, very professional and friendly. This game occupies most of his waking hours and he's constantly looking for ways to enhance the player's experience and keep people coming back.

The game is set up in the warehouse portion of some office buildings. Rugs are down, the walls are painted different colors, there are Godfather-ish posters hung all around as well as a poster of the Madonna/Britney kiss, a 42-inch plasma for when games are on and a small stereo system. There's an office for keeping the chips, a safe, records, computer equipment, etc. Theres a lot of parking space and the game is nowhere near a residential area. The room is almost entirely soundproof from the outside and the door is large and metal.

So I'm at the game my usual night this past week. It's around 12:30AM and the tournament has already ended so we now have just 3 full cash tables running. I'm dealing at a table toward the back of the room. Out of nowhere comes a BANGBANGBANG on the metal door. Everyone looks around a little shaken and a few people mutter, "What the fuck?!?" BANGBANGBANG again and then one more time quickly for good measure. One of the dealers working a closer table gets up and slowly unlocks and opens the door a crack when...

the door gets throw open and in rush at least 10 S.W.A.T team members in full garb... all black ensemble, bullet proof helmets, googles, bullet proof vests... carrying very large guns with laser pointers aiming all around the room. They immediately start yelling, "Everyone on the floor! Put your hands on your head! This is a bust! Get down on the ground NOW!" And just as immediately at least 10 players jump up from their tables and take off running toward the back of the warehouse where it leads to the front offices and a few doors leading to the various parking lots. I personally immediately jump out of my dealer chair and lay on the concrete floor thinking, "There is no fucking way I am getting shot over this."

S.W.A.T is running all around the room, chasing the running players, screaming at everyone who isn't getting down fast enough or keeping their hands on the top of their heads properly. I am getting stepped on left and right. Then I hear the K9 unit busting in, dogs barking all over the place. After the dogs recede the leader of the whole bust comes in yelling at and instigating everyone. "Everything in here belongs to me now! Don't touch anything, don't say anything, don't fucking move. These S.W.A.T guys can get antsy, you know what I mean? If you have any weapons or anything in your pockets we need to know about you better tell us now. The money here belongs to me, the equipment here belongs to me and if any of you have a problem with that we can take you downtown to talk about it." The next sound is the sound of helicoptors swarming overhead.

I'm laying on the floor thinking, "You have got to be kidding me. Am I in a crack house right now? What the hell is going on here? Great, I am totally going to jail tonight and I probably can't get bailed out til' the morning and I'm going to be late for work and that hassle is the last thing I feel like dealing with right now." Meanwhile, I've got a S.W.A.T guy standing over me with a gun pointing all around me and he's probably checking out my ass while he's at it since I'm face down on the floor and all.

Eventually everyone gets to sit in chairs and everyone gets searched. I had no idea being searched was so perverted. This chick cop grabbed and shook both of my boobs and stuck her hand all up on my crotch. It probably didn't help that the shirt I was wearing said, "Homophobia is SO gay," but whatever, I've been groped before. Then everyone gets written a citation and given a court date and finally allowed to leave.

I've been charged with "Illegal Gambling." Which is, of course, not to be confused with LEGAL gambling such as the lottery, bingo and other such regulated and overtaxed gambling options. Actually, the law here is only against "games of chance where money or other things of value are bet" but the people who make these laws seem to think that poker is a game of chance just like craps or keno. This is aside from the question of whether or not these laws are even appropriate given the state's stake in other gambling ventures.

But we have to do what we can to save man from himself, right?

03-26-2007, 10:30 AM
NikKay Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 1,642	Face Down in a Bad Way!! I have been dealing one night a week at a local poker game for over a year now. It's a good, clean, fun game. There is a decent sized group of regulars and every tournament has at least 45 entrants. I make decent money for the time I put in my one night and I love the game so I have a good time watching the game unfold and the different playing styles and just socializing with lovers of poker. The guy who runs it is a really good guy, very professional and friendly. This game occupies most of his waking hours and he's constantly looking for ways to enhance the player's experience and keep people coming back. The game is set up in the warehouse portion of some office buildings. Rugs are down, the walls are painted different colors, there are Godfather-ish posters hung all around as well as a poster of the Madonna/Britney kiss, a 42-inch plasma for when games are on and a small stereo system. There's an office for keeping the chips, a safe, records, computer equipment, etc. Theres a lot of parking space and the game is nowhere near a residential area. The room is almost entirely soundproof from the outside and the door is large and metal. So I'm at the game my usual night this past week. It's around 12:30AM and the tournament has already ended so we now have just 3 full cash tables running. I'm dealing at a table toward the back of the room. Out of nowhere comes a BANGBANGBANG on the metal door. Everyone looks around a little shaken and a few people mutter, "What the fuck?!?" BANGBANGBANG again and then one more time quickly for good measure. One of the dealers working a closer table gets up and slowly unlocks and opens the door a crack when... the door gets throw open and in rush at least 10 S.W.A.T team members in full garb... all black ensemble, bullet proof helmets, googles, bullet proof vests... carrying very large guns with laser pointers aiming all around the room. They immediately start yelling, "Everyone on the floor! Put your hands on your head! This is a bust! Get down on the ground NOW!" And just as immediately at least 10 players jump up from their tables and take off running toward the back of the warehouse where it leads to the front offices and a few doors leading to the various parking lots. I personally immediately jump out of my dealer chair and lay on the concrete floor thinking, "There is no fucking way I am getting shot over this." S.W.A.T is running all around the room, chasing the running players, screaming at everyone who isn't getting down fast enough or keeping their hands on the top of their heads properly. I am getting stepped on left and right. Then I hear the K9 unit busting in, dogs barking all over the place. After the dogs recede the leader of the whole bust comes in yelling at and instigating everyone. "Everything in here belongs to me now! Don't touch anything, don't say anything, don't fucking move. These S.W.A.T guys can get antsy, you know what I mean? If you have any weapons or anything in your pockets we need to know about you better tell us now. The money here belongs to me, the equipment here belongs to me and if any of you have a problem with that we can take you downtown to talk about it." The next sound is the sound of helicoptors swarming overhead. I'm laying on the floor thinking, "You have got to be kidding me. Am I in a crack house right now? What the hell is going on here? Great, I am totally going to jail tonight and I probably can't get bailed out til' the morning and I'm going to be late for work and that hassle is the last thing I feel like dealing with right now." Meanwhile, I've got a S.W.A.T guy standing over me with a gun pointing all around me and he's probably checking out my ass while he's at it since I'm face down on the floor and all. Eventually everyone gets to sit in chairs and everyone gets searched. I had no idea being searched was so perverted. This chick cop grabbed and shook both of my boobs and stuck her hand all up on my crotch. It probably didn't help that the shirt I was wearing said, "Homophobia is SO gay," but whatever, I've been groped before. Then everyone gets written a citation and given a court date and finally allowed to leave. I've been charged with "Illegal Gambling." Which is, of course, not to be confused with LEGAL gambling such as the lottery, bingo and other such regulated and overtaxed gambling options. Actually, the law here is only against "games of chance where money or other things of value are bet" but the people who make these laws seem to think that poker is a game of chance just like craps or keno. This is aside from the question of whether or not these laws are even appropriate given the state's stake in other gambling ventures. But we have to do what we can to save man from himself, right?