kane

As time goes on I am getting a better and better appreciation for Splum. Sure, he is no Anal Hobbit, but you have to love a guy that can make Limbaugh, Hannity and even Buchanan look liberal.

I think I need to start a site called "ask Splum". It would be like a dear Abby type of site where people could submit their questions and Splum would give them solid, sound answers.

For Example someone could write in:
"Dear Splum, I'm a married father of two and my oldest is about to graduate high school. We have had some debate about the which is the best college for him to go to. Do you have any suggestions?"

Splum responds: "Look, if you want your kid to be a pillow-biting, liberal, pacifist, pot-head that won't make his own decisions and won't act without consulting Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and getting a written note from the ACLU, I wouldn't send him to college. You should put him in the Army. Get him through boot camp and ship his ass to Iraq. If your son goes on to get an education and doesn't die in Fallujah, the terrorist have won."

Or maybe:
"Dear Splum, I'm recently divorced and having trouble dating. I meet women, just nobody I can connect with. Any ideas on what I should do?"

Splum responds: "First, you need to wake up, turn off Air America and stop sucking on Al Franken's ass for two minutes because all the liberal jizz has backed up your brain. Clearly you need to swear off women, build a cabin in the woods, get a bunch of guns and do some training and hunting. You shoot a deer then yank its still beating heart out and eat it. Only then will you be ready for the impending civil war that will be brought on by liberal pacifism and bowing to terrorist. It worked for the guys in Red Dawn. They ate the heart and then kicked some commie asses. WOLVERINES!"

Or even:
"Dear Splum, I think my employer is reading all my emails and monitoring my Internet usage when I'm at work. I don't do anything non-work related, but should I still be suspicious of what they are doing?"

Splum responds: "Listen up you pinko-socialist, Che Guevara worshiping shit-bag. The company you work for is not spying on you. They are trying to protect you from evil rival companies that want to hurt you. If protecting you means taking away any privacy you have, you shouldn't worry about it. You are safe as long as you aren't doing anything wrong. You should never question your leaders when it comes to safety. They clearly know what is best for you. Now go home and swallow a bottle of sleeping pills. Your liberal blathering is taking up good oxygen that the rest of us could be using."

What do you think? Would it be a hit?