Far-L

22. Have you ever had sex at the Playboy Mansion while monkeys were flinging poo at you?

When "Orgazmo" finally premiered in the US to celebrate we had a party at the Playboy Mansion. Since the guys in Metallica were fans of South Park they agreed to appear as the live entertainment. Tons of Playboy models were running around in skimpy little outfits or bathing suits

I was having the time of my life hobnobbing and generally laughing at the strange fortunes of my existence that would land me there but I knew the day would not be complete unless I could manage to have sex in the grotto.

So I started hitting up every woman I knew from the production to see if one would take me up on the opportunity. Every one of my friends that had a date was already doing the deed which I think in fucking accomplishments ranks a few miles higher than joining the mile high club. But no luck. I would get polite "no thanks" and the occasional "are you fucking kidding" but nada, zero, zilch.

Finally, I was lamenting my fate to Dave the photographer who actually was part of the basis for Dave the photographer that Matt Stone played in the movie.

"I have hit up every girl here and no one will have sex with me in the grotto." I complained.

"That's too bad dude." Dave consoled.

A busty redhead in a sexy yet professional blouse and skirt talking to a girlfriend overheard us. She looked me up and down before she interrupted, "I will do it", she said.

I just about fell over in a state of pent up horniness mixed with absolute shock.

"But I don't want to go in there." She looked over at the grotto and had the kind of scowl on her face that seemed like she figured every single little microbe from the swinging sixties, through the disco era, and beyond was going to march out of the pool and consume her in a blob of disease.

"How about over there?" I pointed to the trail over by where the monkeys are kept.

This made her smile. "Sure, much better."

We walked over and as soon as we figured that we were hidden enough by the foliage we jumped on each other like a couple of frisky teenagers trying to practice our moves. She was tonguing my tonsils. I was rubbing her big tits through her silky blouse.

Unfortunately, the monkeys were having none of it. They started raising a ruckus. We broke the embrace long enough to look at them like "what the fuck?" but that was what put them over the edge.

That is when the poo came flying.

We beat a hasty retreat farther down the path and resumed our lustfest. We had a blast. I almost even missed the actual premiere and it turned out that she was one of the distribution execs that was marketing the movie. I fingered her while she drove us over in her plush beemer to the theatre.

Even with the monkey poop incident I still considered it one of the most perfect days that I ever had the pleasure of being alive for.

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