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The thing that bugs me is that he was gone to get groceries and by the time he came back, they were at it.
How long does it take to get groceries? An hour? Hour and a half at most?
This sets the notion that the instant he left, she called the best friend and had him come over. This wasn't a one-time thing that happened by accident... he just "happened" to drop by and he just "happened" to get me so horny I couldn't wait until you got home.
They've been doing this for a while.
Which establishes a relationship - and taking her back will NOT simply make that relationship go away. Even if she doesn't fuck him again, she'll start to resent everything. She'll be focusing on every negative aspect she can wrap her mind around and build up this fantasy about how being with the best friend was/would be so much better. Hell, she's most likely already been doing that, seeing as she's acted on it.
Get your lawyer to demand a drug test from the court and pray that it comes out dirty. Especially if she says this was a one-time thing; use that to your advantage and say "well then *something* must have impaired your judgement - we want proof that you weren't doing drugs".
Maybe you could talk this over and work it out. No one knows that but you and her - and you won't know until you talk to her and find out what her motivation behind this is. Is she not happy with her whole fucking life? Is she just hitting that stage of 25 or so yrs old where she feels like she didn't live enough before "settling down" and she's really missing out on something? Or does she truly care for this guy - and I mean truly, not just a lustful, he's an escape kind of thing.
Your little girl is what's important. What you tell her is important. Staying sober and in control is important.
Your daughter:
Be somewhat straight with her and tell her that Mommy did something that hurt you very badly, and she has gone to have a "time out". Once you and Mommy aren't mad anymore, you will talk about what to do next... just like when your daughter gets in trouble and you give *her* a time out, then talk to her about it after she's stopped throwing her tantrum.
Put it in terms that SHE can understand. She doesn't need to know the details, she just needs to have a concept of what is going on and why.
Best of luck to you. This is the hardest decision you'll ever make, and no matter what you decide, you'll be convinced it was the wrong one for at least a year.
But things WILL get better. Just stay focused on being Daddy - that has always been far more important than being Boyfriend.
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