Why stop there?
I will be your Attorney for a 99% profit, However, if I fail to win your case you still owe me six zillion dollars. Before I take your case I will need a retainer of three million dollars.
I want a list of every website you have ever visited and give me a percentage break down of waisted time compared to valued time. It is extremely important to give me times and dates and log on and log off time sheets.
When you fax me a detailed manifesto I will submit your complaint to the supreme court and file it against the Internet.
