I hope you never ahve kids, because if you can't handle a puppy, you'll never handle kids. What would you do, decide that you want to shoot the kids, too?
If you really want to get rid of the puppy, take him to the local animal shelter or go sit outside WalMart with the puppy, a sign, and give him to someone who'll love him.
The way we trained our puppy not to urinate in the house was to spank him when we caught him, then immediately take him outside. Every time he went outside (and you have to anticipate it in the early weeks), he was rewarded with a puppy treat and huge amounts of praise.
When he got bigger, we taught him to scratch the door when he needed to go out by guiding his paws to do so, praising him and giving the treat, then letting him out where he could do his business, and rewarding him for doing so.
Interestingly, we have had no problems with this since. dogs are quick to figure it out if you'll take the time to train them.