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8. Are you aware that some industry veterans were surprised when you announced you were getting married because they thought you were gay? Is your marriage a front?
Definitely there was industry veterans who would contact me surprised - even Bob Rice hit me up on ICQ wondering if it was all a fake ? we had a long discussion as to what gay truly meant and what is happening between SheDevil and myself. My feelings were that just fucking a man doesn?t mean your gay. Being in the gay industry I noticed many guys who were hitting on women as much as men. That is just horny ? prepared to fuck anything that moves and gets you off.
Being truly gay means that sex isn?t always an option ? it is more than physical. I have seen gay couples who have lived together for over 20 years, and truly love each other as a straight couple. One where the partner died of AID?s as the other one watched, holding his hand as he passed on. It wasn?t about sex at all ? it was about commitment to another soul ? a human being. The physical aspect was not the primary reason they were together.
So no - my marriage is not a front at all. I was married before to a stripper who left me for a DJ. I certainly didn?t want to get into another relationship much less marriage. When SheDevil came along she was totally into women ? never figuring she would love a man at all. Yet in saying that, it was our souls that connected in a strong way. I totally felt at peace with the idea of living my life with her, as she did with me. In some cosmic way it worked, and we just knew.
When my dad asked me, ?why would you ever marry again?? I responded with, ?Because dad, I can tell her to shut the fuck up and she can do the same to me!!? He smiled and said, ?Marry her?. He knew that what I was saying is that we can truly be ourselves together, for all our good points and lousy ones. Few marriages can boast that each partner is secure in the relationship that they have no secrets from each other. That they speak their mind and resolve the issue with love and refuse to consider separation as on option. I will remember always the senior citizen I asked who was married for over 50 years, ?During all the time, did you once think of divorcing your husband?? She looked back at me, smiled and said, ?Divorce? Never. Murder YES ? but Divorce never?. That?s an act of the will ? commitment to make it work.
I can go into a long version as to what love is ? but in short - it is not a feeling but an act of the will.
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