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13. I'm guessing your family is religious? What do you tell them you do for a living?
Actually both SheDevil and my family are religious, that is actually one of the main reasons why SheDevil and I had such a rough start in our relationship ? her family knew I was in porn and had to work out their biased attitudes towards someone in the industry. Like most in North America as soon as you say you work in porn immediately they think you are into child pornography and get women drugged against their will to take pictures.
Safe to say I was not allowed around their children or even to park in their driveway. Yet after a while they realized the person I am and not what they thought I was, and today ? we are a very close family. Even her mom who once was my nemesis, are now best friends speaking constantly - and yes ? I can now park near the house and no one is hiding their kids from me.
I cannot speak for everyone only myself ? but I am not ashamed of the work that I do or try to hide it when asked, though I do need to be sensitive to those under 18 or even a few that simply are too closed minded. I have some of the closest friends in my life right here in this industry - even more so that my own family. When our daughter was born in December of 2007, industry veterans sent gifts including JFK who send clothing ? LAJ who sent an amazing fur coat for when she gets a little older, and others who sent cards and phoned us with their best wishes. Bob Rice was the first person I called after the baby was born along with my boss and Vid Vicious. Why would I be ashamed of people like this? You rarely get to have one close friend in your life you can be yourself with ? I have many and am truly blessed.
My dad was a church deacon and actually was the architect of one of the largest Baptist church?s in Canada ? even though he may not ?like? what I do, he realizes that it is not going to affect my character or the way I treat my family, wife and child. We had a long conversation recently when I called to tell him I went to the Playboy Mansion ? I was surprised at his knowledge of Heff and the Mansion, but I knew he was merely attempting to show interest in my life and not judge me also that I had come to terms with it and my faith and that is all he needed to know.
I learned a long time ago ? that there are people who will like me and those who will not. I can try my hardest, be as sweet as possible and guess what? I will still have those who hate me and those who don?t. It is me that I have to accept and love when I look into the mirror in the morning. No one else.
During my time at the seminary I had asked a pastor friend of mine, ?is it okay to go into bars?? He said some of the wisest words to me. He said, ?As a Christian as long as it is not an addiction for you then fine. Problems arise when you speak of it to others who do have an addiction. If they see you going in then to them it may be okay, and that will cause them to falter. You have no choice because as a minister you are in the spotlight all the time? He knew that people watch what I do and that I have a responsibility to those around me that are influenced by me.
Right now all I care about is my relationship with myself ? if someone can?t handle the fact I work in porn, then do I really want them as a friend? I mean seriously ? working in porn makes me as much of a bad person and threat to your family as going to a movie makes me an actor. It?s a product ? simple as that. You don?t harass a corner store employee or brand them pervert because they sell nude magazines on the shelf?
Now I do not walk around boasting about it nor wear T-Shirt?s that kids can see, but when asked I am not going to necessarily shy off the topic unless I know that the person I am speaking to simply is too immature to handle such news ? then it becomes a matter of, ?do I really want to get into a debate of morals right now??
Look - be my friend or don?t be ? the choice is yours and my door is always open. I am not going to run after you. Same as family ? my door is always open should you choose to enter. I am happy with my life and who I am as a person ? I follow my heart and what it is saying is that religion doesn?t like what I do, but I don?t follow man?s religion on how my life should be dictated ? my gut is that God doesn?t have a problem since He/She is the only one who knows my heart/intentions and I have not sensed that my life is in anyway offensive.
So trust me, my inner child is a real shit head sometimes - but on the whole, I'm happier now than I ever have been in all my 46 years.
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