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She will NOT like the proper way for you to do this, but I'll tell you anyway. Teachers typically use the Socratic Method. In a nutshell, the teacher asks leading questions so the student can determine the answer for themselves. This may be pretty annoying to your girlfriend as you'd have to do it out of the context of a classroom, but the other approach (rewriting it to show her by example) didn't pan out too well. The Socratic Method may even get your girlfriend thinking you're being condescending. Try it out anway, though. This technique does wonders for the student's self esteem when they solve their "problem" (whatever it is) themselves. Ask her which parts of the sentence sound negative and then ask for alternate words. Hope that helps.
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