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Illegal Tube Site Owners: MY OPEN LETTER
So, you think it?s cool to swap MP3s? Sure, I?ve downloaded a song or ten thousand in my time, however: Under no circumstances: Should you ever, ever share PORN! That?s right, our beloved American institution is already in enough financial trouble. The ?talent? doesn?t get paid enough as it is! NOW, there?s barely enough incentive for a maladjusted teen with low self-esteem and a meth habit to start doing triple anal on film!
The cash pornographers lose to PORN THIEVES will translate to pay cuts to the porn girls. As money becomes scarce, the talent pool will dry up. Then people left still buying porn will diminish and sales will plummet. Revenue streams will dry up and Adult industry will go bankrupt.
With no more funds for lawyers, the good folks that run jizz become victims of a republican Witch-hunt and sent to prison. As the studios start fold, millions of Americans, who were quietly leading decent lives behind the scenes in porn will become displaced. These poor souls, unable to find work because of their past, will turn to violent crime. This will overload the court system with the influx of unemployed smut peddlers.
With all the smut peddlers in jail: Porn movies will become a memory of the distant past ? only living as a distant flicker on some file-sharing network!
With the industry out if the way: YOU will the only person the goon squad to come for! The prison system will bog down even more. Eventually, the number of Americans incarcerated will outnumber those on the street. A giant multi-billion dollar sized hole will be left in the economy.
The county will fall into disarray. Merciless budget cuts will be made. Medicare will go first. With the lack of healthcare, new strains of disease will form and reach pandemic levels quickly. With the death of porn, billions will shut off their computers, causing a massive surge on the power grid; leaving the United States powerless.
The only modern connivance left will be automobiles: which the survivors will turn to for heat, shelter and power. The massive release of hydrocarbons will kill all plant life, worldwide oxygen levels will plummet, and pollution will be so thick that it will eventually black out the sun ? thus ending all life, as we know it.
As a last result of the cataclysm, the Moon will be knocked off kilter, and it will collide with the now dead Earth ? sending us hurtling into deep space.
Over millions of years, the remnants our planet will be eroded by the cosmic winds, and will reduce Terra Firma to chunks of astral debris. If we are lucky, the chunks of our once mighty civilization will reenter another world as a shooting star for alien beings to make a wish on?all because:
They were smart enough to NEVER STEAL PORN!!!!
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