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Some that I like:
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
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