Originally Posted by Sands

C'mon dude. You're competitors. If your comment wasn't intentionally a jab at them, it should have been. Next time, here's what you do:

1) Start a thread calling HELMY a little bitch. Be sure to add (DRAMA) and (PICS) so that all the troll's board trackers light up like a fucking Christmas tree. Statistically speaking, this provides a 67% increase in pageviews and a 33% increase in replies. Right away, you've got a hot thread.

2) HELMY will jump in, firing on all cylinders, calling you an asshole, a two-faced prick, a cocksucking fag of elephantine proportions. This is exactly what you want... conflict theory in action and the thread is getting more views and more replies than a MetaMan vs. Dark Jedi showdown. Waco motherfucker, Waco.

3) Fire up ICQ, AIM, IRC, MSN, Yahoo, and whatever other IM client you use and send the link to EVERYBODY. I fucking mean EVERYBODY... your buddy sitting across from you in the office, that Bosnian dude who designed your Wordpress blog template last year, your grandma, EVERYONE! You know HELMY is doing the same, so you better come cocked, locked, and rock. The pages for the thread are fucking climbing.

4) Trolls are flipping out and going apeshit. AsianDivasWebGirls is using his Google Image Search voodoo juice to find eerily relevant pictures to post. Boneprone's over/under bet is getting smashed to shit, and AIREK is talking about the new ShanesWorldCash launch, and woofy, and bros, and quacking and shit. Cross-dramas start to pop up like granola girls at a Phish concert. Dirty Frank calls Anthony an idiot, and Anthony responds with "dkkndfafeafefeeioinonie33909r2ff" because he's so mad he's got his keyboard in an arm-bar! Paul Markham starts talking about tubes and shit, and then BradM calls him a senile son of a bitch! CDSmith produces a level, well-reasoned, and informative post... and everyone just ignores that shit because this is Sparta, bitch.

5) Now people are starting to reveal shit they regret saying and when they can't edit their posts, they do the next best thing: they hit up the mods. Ice and Eric slap their power rings together like some fucked up version of the Wonder Twins, and they delete the whole mess. Now don't fret AVNChris... all of those replies and pageviews haven't gone to waste because when you make a "WHERE THE FUCK DID MY THREAD GO!?!?" thread, it'll blow up like WWWIII because _everyone_ on GFY is now at their computers... the mods, the keyboard warriors, the trolls, the bros, the bitches, the hoes... everyone!

6) You just created what I like to call a "napalm thread"... it'll constantly re-ignite because the very second it hits page two, 20 people will bump it. Now it's mission accomplished, AVNChris. You've got everyone's attention. Now's the time to make a big announcement about AVN... tell them about your upcoming show events, performances, new office chairs, that panini you ate for lunch... they'll eat up every word of it. Then you apologize to HELMY. HELMY, not wanting to be outdone, will apologize to you as well and you dudes e-hug it out on the boards. Everyone gets all goo-goo-ga-ga with this "kiss and make up shit", VideoSecrets agrees to pay their latest jilted affiliate and amend their TOS, KBizzle reminds everyone, again, that American Cannibal is playing on Showtime at 3:15 am on the 29th, and you've just sucked GFY for every ounce of PR it can give.

Booyah.