Quit drinking for 6 months and see how you feel.
I did the same thing for over ten years. Always going dry, trying to stay totally sober, and then crash into the booze again.
Recreational, lifestyle, all of it. And it didn't seem like it was affecting me in a bad way at all.
Then I quit, not for a couple weeks, for a good solid 6 months. You start to see things differently. When you don't escape from normal life and medicate, even if you think you're celebrating something, things become much more clear. Everything.
And, if you can give up alcohol, you probably won't want to do other things as much either. Who wants to do coke with no alcohol? eww. People quit smoking easier without drinking. Alcohol is the gateway drug.
I hate to sound like some sober person preaching, but I cannot stress enough how your perspective on life will completely change when you stop medicating with alcohol.
I'm over 3 years now, and I feel like I did before I started drinking heavy at age 20.
