Big_D

As you have noticed I haven't been coming to this forum for some time, and others have been trying to contact me for a while as well. There are multiple reasons that I haven't been coming here or in contact with anyone and the reasons and explanations are below.

First and foremost for those of you who I have hurt, fucked over, or somehow deceived I do apologize and I want you to know it was never ever my intention to do so. I always started each and every project or job with the best of intentions, however I always lost site of the goal due to my inability to stay focused.

Why do I always lose focus? Well over the past 3 years I have had a constant battle with either drugs or alcohol. I've never had anyone in my life to care about or anyone that cared about me since my divorce and the only way I have been able to cope with that is by self medicating myself to the means of forgetting. I've witnessed myself go from "man that guy can party" to "man that guy needs help" and I have to say it is not something I am proud of.

If it wasn't alcohol it was weed, if it wasnt weed or alcohol it was something else, but in a nutshell it was always "something" that I had to have. I am sorry I got lost in these issues and left a lot of you with a bitter taste in your mouth every time you hear my name.

This is my formal apology to everyone involved in the online adult industry. I have left Las Vegas and won't be returning as I have proceeded to an undisclosed location to not only deal with my problems as a person, but focus on paying back what is owed to those I have scorned.

After reading the thread a couple of weeks ago and how people viewed me, it sent me into a deep depression where I could no longer care for myself and put me to the point where I barely had the ability to get out of bed and use the toilet. I really couldn't believe what I done or what people thought about me, and the only thing I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. I was contemplating dying versus living and neither had any appeal, I lost all care for anything, and had no motivation even just to exist. I gave up on life.

5 days after that thread, a miracle happened. I received a message on my Myspace profile from a family member that I would have thought forgotten me, but it basically said, "Donnie, come home." With what was going on, how I felt, for something like that to happen out of nowhere basically gave me a sign. So I am now on my way to that family member's residence and have told them everything about my past with one goal in mind, get better, take care of myself, and work on goals in order to pay back what I have taken.

I won't be reading the replies to this thread, however, I will be in contact with those who I need to speak with in due time, but right now is a time i need to focus on myself and getting better. I have given up all my posessions and gone back to the suitcase so I can actually build my life on something real and through hard work and dedication. In a nut shell, I have gone back to the basics. Once I know I am able I will be back to not only pay back what is owed to others, but to focus on the right kind of business.

To all of my friends, collegues, co-workers, and employers of the past, I am sincerely sorry for losing myself to addiction and I am very sorry for the issues that came of that. When I return one day, I promise to make it up to you all. I wish you the best in life and I hope to one day do business with you again.

Best regards and goodbye for a long time to come,

Big_D