1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of used men's work boots, size14-16.
2. Put them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns &Ammo magazine.
3 Place a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba:
Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls - - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
Cooter
