Quote:
Originally Posted by Blazed
Pretty good but maybe shorten it a bit. Put yourself in her shoes, you have just finished taking a shower and fingering your bum hole you then sit down to a pile of letters from wannabe immigrants from the old country, you dont want to be there all day.
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I agree, I'll have to rework it a bit, make it a little bit more complex and work better with the attention / interest.
I should probably leave the whole immigrant thing at the end as a surprise.