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I was actually just looking at slicehost for some really low end stuff. Don't they provided dedicated with root access? From looking at their site it looked like it was self managed all the way.
As far as your question, I don't know about what others like but I use CentOS. You can "yum" the majority of the useful packages. It's just learning the config files from there.
CPanel lets you do most of the things in a somewhat automated manner but gets in the way for custom stuff. It forces you to do everything its way.
If you are going to go completely dedicated you'll need about a month of studying to get up to speed on the various config files. named.conf, postfix, httpd.conf, etc.
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