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I am so sorry for you. Little in life is as painful as the loss of a pet but we do it all over again because in the end the joy out weighs the pain.
I know I look at my two and sometimes flash forward to how much it will hurt me when they die. I don't have kids and I spend nearly 24/7 with them so they essentially are my kids. While I am worrying one of them will do something silly and make me laugh and remember that having them now is better than not having had them at all.
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