Originally Posted by Young

Drupal. MTVUK on it. But judging by your dismissal of Joomla I don't think you'll be happy with the stock download of Drupal.

You're not going to get anything out of the box with the features you're looking for (nothing opensource at least). You're going to have to combine plugins and creative template designs.

Hell I could probably make a napkinnights clone with Wordpress if given the time.