Big_D

For those of you who remember, or that actually give a shit, I am still alive, and I am still kicking. (and still havent read the replies to my last post).

The last time I posted on this board it contained my apology to everyone in online adult and a small explanation about an addiction that had taken over my life. Since that time a lot of things have changed for the better and I am slowly gaining confidence in myself again.

When I left my life was in shambles. I had turned my back on my family, I had turned my back on my friends, and worst of all I had turned my back on myself. I quit giving a shit about everyone and the only thing on my mind was the time and location of the next party. Getting fucked up was all I gave a shit about and honestly at the time i didn't give two shits about who i fucked over to get that good time.

When I realized the most foul moments of my life had only recently occurred, I knew it was time for a change in lifestyle, hence the post that I left to all of you. I left Vegas, I left the industry, I gave up my life and I set out for a small trip that actually turned out to be a long fucking journey.

The first stop was Louisville, KY. I moved in with a cousin that was a raging lesbian with a bull dyke as a girlfriend. Well as sexist as I am and as man-hating as she was that lasted a month. I then turned to a friend from the navy. He hooked me up for a month with a place to stay and that soon came to an end. I then contacted my true best friend in my life and told him everything, leaving nothing back and I was soon on my way to London, England to setup shop.

Well the karma monster was on my back because I was denied entry to the United Kingdom and deported to Atlanta (I originated in Detroit) after spending 3 fucking days in a British prison for visa violations.

Upon arriving in Atlanta, the street was all I had in front of me. I called the last couple people on my list of trustees and somehow managed a greyhound ticket back to Louisville, with my uncle picking me up at greyhound the next morning. Upon arriving I went job hunting like a motherfucker. If it had a store sign, it had a copy of my application, and on day three I was hired on the spot at a quickie mart and started rebuilding.

All was good for about three weeks. I was at work 20 minutes early every day, never late, the model employee. Well one night after a 10 hour shift I came home to an enraged family . Low blows, hard hits, stuff that brought me even lower came out. (My family consists of functioning alcoholics that get evil when trashed). The karma dragon officially bit my fucking head off. 45 minutes of family abuse and I was on the street again.

After that I spent 2 nights on the street with a lappy and a wifi. I dug hard. Finding friends from the past, friends of friends, anything that could give me a bed and then i found one. A former employer from the non-adult world stuck his hand out and before long I was on my way to the first step back up.

For the past few months I have been the door man at a local strip club in Louisville, KY. In that time I have gone from nowhere to go to again achieving my own place. My confidence in myself is rising once again and I know before long, I will be able to pay back all of those people that I have faulted throughout the past. For those of you in the industry that I owe, it will come soon, I'm sorry for the long delay, but all I can say is this. What doesn't break a man only makes him stronger.

I'll be back soon enough......and as always, If you can't be good, be good at it.