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DamianJ · 07-21-2009, 10:20 AM

N00b guide to Amsterdam, WMA.

Thought this might be useful for any first timers to Amsterdam.

Arriving
Your plane lands and you get off. Easy so far. Your legs might ache a bit and shit. Deal with that. Don't worry about the signs. They are written in Dutchish and proper English, so it's all gravy.

Go pee in the loo if you are a man. You can if you are a lady too, but men really have too. They had an idea to try and stop men pissing all over the floor in urinals. They got a sticker of a picture of a fly and put it in the bog. So when you piss, there is something FUN to piss on! Very clever, and very little piss on the floor. So far, so Dutch.

Pop along to customs and get through that. They are nice and friendly and there is no TSA arseholes getting in yo' grill.

Collect your bags. This is important. You don't want to be in Holland without clean underwear.

Whilst waiting for your luggage, pay attention to the clever people by what looks like a ticket machine. They are not playing Twister. They are buying tickets for the train to town and you should too.

A cab will cost 50 Euros if it's not rush hour and still take AGES. The train is about 4 Euros and takes 25 minutes or so. It's faster, cheaper, and easier than a cab. Even when I was spunking Playboy's money on expenses I got the train!

So, back to this machine. Go up to up. It will have a button saying ENGLISH. Press said button. It will now show you words in English and not Dutchish! It's like the future I tells ya.

So get a single ticket to CENTRAAL STATION. You can pay with a credit card.

Get your bags and follow the people and signs out. You are then in the airport terminal. Follow signs for the trains. You kinda go down a bit then right. It's platforms 3 or 4.

Few stops later you arrive in the heart of Amsterdam.

As I found out with Smiley last year, there are two exits from the station. One is good. One is BAD. Do not go out the bad one. Follow most people and you'll be all good.

From there, you can either walk or get a cab. If it's your first time, I recommend a walk. The show hotel is probably 20 minute walk from the station and it's easy to find if you look on maps.google.nl

Then you get to go explore!

Drugs
The weed is legal to smoke and buy from licensed coffee shops. Do not get it anywhere else. Tobacco is illegal to smoke inside coffee shops. So you can smoke weed, but not baccy. So no mixed joints. Some people view this as a good thing anyway.

Depending on what you are used to, the weed is strong. Let me qualify that. If you are getting the finest Cali medical shit, then you are not going to be impressed with Amsterdam weed at all. If you had a few tokes at college,then you are going to get fucked up.

The most mainstream coffeeshops have the worst weed, like The Bulldog. Try and find places where the Dutch go. Smaller ones usually. That said, Barney's Breakfast Bar is very popular but does do excellent ish.

Point is, if you are not used to it, and especially if you've been drinking, the weed will mess you up big time. Take it easy.

Hash cakes can take up to AN HOUR to work. So do not eat half then eat the other half 20 mins later cos nothing has happened.

Don't buy anything from the dodgy guys on the street corners in the Red Light District. Ever.

Mushrooms are legal here and they have many many types. Go explore if that is your thing.

Sex
Don't really know much about the paid for sex thing, a Google search will be more useful than me.

The Red Light District is a great place to explore even if you have no intention of buying a whore. It's great to look, and window shop.

The show
Same as any other. Go, talk to people you don't know, see if you can do business! It's that simple. The parties are usually excellent. Always worth hitting the lunch and cocktail parties too.

Noobs should go to all the seminars. You'll learn more in a couple of days than you would in months. (Obviously many seminars are not aimed at the newb).

Food
Amsterdam is quite like NYC or London etc in as far as it's a melting pot of countries and people. So you can eat from any where in the world. A speciality street food is falafel. Fresh ones are so good. And they do fries really well. And, get this, they offer SATAY SAUCE too. So you can have fries and spicy peanut sauce. Sounds odd. Tastes fucking great.

The steaks are good. I like Gauchos. There are a few of them.

Difficult to recommend cos of different palates. I would go to tripadvisor.com and type in the sort of food you fancy and go from there.

Getting around
It's quite small. You can walk most places. May sound odd for someone from LA, but you really can. But cabs are plentiful and relatively cheap.

Hiring a bike is a must. Just for shitz and gglz.

Shit to do

Don't bother with Anne Frank house. It's sad and all, but a bit shit.

I would say:

Do a boat trip. Any of the ones from outside the train station will do. Takes you round all the canals, quite cool. (You can get one that will take you to the Zoo, which is another recommendation in a sec)

Zoo (see, here it is already). It's a Zoo. But it's pretty cool. For Americans, you can get much closer than you do in the States.

Van Gogh museum. Oddly, there is shit by Van Gogh here. It's worth seeing the original of Sunflowers. Really. The textures are stunning.

Walking. Just chill about walking. The canals are a bit of a maze, but make sense after a while. And you will find little bars and coffee shops, places to eat, etc tucked away.

Points to remember
Everyone speaks English, with a cool little accent. So don't worry about being understood. But it never hurts to learn at least please and thank you in Dutchlish.

Coffee isn't unlimited refills. You pay for each cup.

Many places don't accept credit cards so always have cash. (Big restaurants etc will, but many bars don't etc).

Trams are silent and dangerous! Watch out for them. Even when you're warned you still might die (Smiley?). Just keep looking both ways whenever you cross a road.

Canals are also silent and dangerous. Wandering around at night in the rain it's hard to tell the road and canal apart sometimes. Keep your eyes open.

Have fun.

And don't forget, if you want to see a magic trick, or talk to me about promoting the www.3wayscash.com sites, or about how to make your email more effective, look for the rubbery faced Brit with grey hair.

:D

Add your own tips!

07-21-2009, 10:20 AM
DamianJ Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: A magical land Posts: 15,808	Tips for Amsterdam newbs [Quite long] N00b guide to Amsterdam, WMA. Thought this might be useful for any first timers to Amsterdam. Arriving Your plane lands and you get off. Easy so far. Your legs might ache a bit and shit. Deal with that. Don't worry about the signs. They are written in Dutchish and proper English, so it's all gravy. Go pee in the loo if you are a man. You can if you are a lady too, but men really have too. They had an idea to try and stop men pissing all over the floor in urinals. They got a sticker of a picture of a fly and put it in the bog. So when you piss, there is something FUN to piss on! Very clever, and very little piss on the floor. So far, so Dutch. Pop along to customs and get through that. They are nice and friendly and there is no TSA arseholes getting in yo' grill. Collect your bags. This is important. You don't want to be in Holland without clean underwear. Whilst waiting for your luggage, pay attention to the clever people by what looks like a ticket machine. They are not playing Twister. They are buying tickets for the train to town and you should too. A cab will cost 50 Euros if it's not rush hour and still take AGES. The train is about 4 Euros and takes 25 minutes or so. It's faster, cheaper, and easier than a cab. Even when I was spunking Playboy's money on expenses I got the train! So, back to this machine. Go up to up. It will have a button saying ENGLISH. Press said button. It will now show you words in English and not Dutchish! It's like the future I tells ya. So get a single ticket to CENTRAAL STATION. You can pay with a credit card. Get your bags and follow the people and signs out. You are then in the airport terminal. Follow signs for the trains. You kinda go down a bit then right. It's platforms 3 or 4. Few stops later you arrive in the heart of Amsterdam. As I found out with Smiley last year, there are two exits from the station. One is good. One is BAD. Do not go out the bad one. Follow most people and you'll be all good. From there, you can either walk or get a cab. If it's your first time, I recommend a walk. The show hotel is probably 20 minute walk from the station and it's easy to find if you look on maps.google.nl Then you get to go explore! Drugs The weed is legal to smoke and buy from licensed coffee shops. Do not get it anywhere else. Tobacco is illegal to smoke inside coffee shops. So you can smoke weed, but not baccy. So no mixed joints. Some people view this as a good thing anyway. Depending on what you are used to, the weed is strong. Let me qualify that. If you are getting the finest Cali medical shit, then you are not going to be impressed with Amsterdam weed at all. If you had a few tokes at college,then you are going to get fucked up. The most mainstream coffeeshops have the worst weed, like The Bulldog. Try and find places where the Dutch go. Smaller ones usually. That said, Barney's Breakfast Bar is very popular but does do excellent ish. Point is, if you are not used to it, and especially if you've been drinking, the weed will mess you up big time. Take it easy. Hash cakes can take up to AN HOUR to work. So do not eat half then eat the other half 20 mins later cos nothing has happened. Don't buy anything from the dodgy guys on the street corners in the Red Light District. Ever. Mushrooms are legal here and they have many many types. Go explore if that is your thing. Sex Don't really know much about the paid for sex thing, a Google search will be more useful than me. The Red Light District is a great place to explore even if you have no intention of buying a whore. It's great to look, and window shop. The show Same as any other. Go, talk to people you don't know, see if you can do business! It's that simple. The parties are usually excellent. Always worth hitting the lunch and cocktail parties too. Noobs should go to all the seminars. You'll learn more in a couple of days than you would in months. (Obviously many seminars are not aimed at the newb). Food Amsterdam is quite like NYC or London etc in as far as it's a melting pot of countries and people. So you can eat from any where in the world. A speciality street food is falafel. Fresh ones are so good. And they do fries really well. And, get this, they offer SATAY SAUCE too. So you can have fries and spicy peanut sauce. Sounds odd. Tastes fucking great. The steaks are good. I like Gauchos. There are a few of them. Difficult to recommend cos of different palates. I would go to tripadvisor.com and type in the sort of food you fancy and go from there. Getting around It's quite small. You can walk most places. May sound odd for someone from LA, but you really can. But cabs are plentiful and relatively cheap. Hiring a bike is a must. Just for shitz and gglz. Shit to do Don't bother with Anne Frank house. It's sad and all, but a bit shit. I would say: Do a boat trip. Any of the ones from outside the train station will do. Takes you round all the canals, quite cool. (You can get one that will take you to the Zoo, which is another recommendation in a sec) Zoo (see, here it is already). It's a Zoo. But it's pretty cool. For Americans, you can get much closer than you do in the States. Van Gogh museum. Oddly, there is shit by Van Gogh here. It's worth seeing the original of Sunflowers. Really. The textures are stunning. Walking. Just chill about walking. The canals are a bit of a maze, but make sense after a while. And you will find little bars and coffee shops, places to eat, etc tucked away. Points to remember Everyone speaks English, with a cool little accent. So don't worry about being understood. But it never hurts to learn at least please and thank you in Dutchlish. Coffee isn't unlimited refills. You pay for each cup. Many places don't accept credit cards so always have cash. (Big restaurants etc will, but many bars don't etc). Trams are silent and dangerous! Watch out for them. Even when you're warned you still might die (Smiley?). Just keep looking both ways whenever you cross a road. Canals are also silent and dangerous. Wandering around at night in the rain it's hard to tell the road and canal apart sometimes. Keep your eyes open. Have fun. And don't forget, if you want to see a magic trick, or talk to me about promoting the www.3wayscash.com sites, or about how to make your email more effective, look for the rubbery faced Brit with grey hair. :D Add your own tips! Last edited by DamianJ; 07-21-2009 at 10:22 AM..