Quote:
Originally Posted by jmcb420
Last night was rough. Here's the cliff notes version, from what I remember and was told.
Around 5 I started drinking and smoking weed, nothing new. Around 7 I stupidly chose to take what for me is a pretty heafty dose of Vicodin I got from a friend and 2 valumes.
I continued drinking and smoking pot, while making a list of the 10 most imoprtant people in my life, whom coincidently I have all hurt in one form or another. I even wrote the reasons I had hurt them all next to thier names.
By 9 I was gone, and I remember nothing after shutting the door and laying down on the couch. When I shut the door, my cat was trapped in the foyer. Around 930-10ish the cat screaming to get back in had gotten my neighbors attention, she stepped into the foyer and knocked on the door, I did not answer. She knocked again, then pounded, then called. No response.
I was laying right in front of the door on the sofa, she could see me. So she opened the door, let the cat in and tried to wake me. I would not respond. She looked right next to me and saw the list I had made. She called the emergency services, and I was taken to the hospital. I arrived there just after 10 last night.
My stomach was pumped, I was given some kind of shot, I remember nothing until I woke up around 1 in the morning.
I was questioned by a doctor and a cop about the list I was found with at the time. I explained that it was more of a "karma list" then what they actually thought it was.
I was told that I would be kept for a day or so and observed. I immediatly asked if I had the right to sign myself out. They said I could, but they advise I didn't. I did, and was home by 2:30.
Got into bed, slept until almost 9.
I feel hollow today. I really did have a moment last night where I knew I was in dangerious territory as far as the pills and alcohol were doing. Death did cross my mind, but it didn't bother or scare me at all.
I think its time to change everything about my life that I can, mend some fences and make good on things I need to.
I'm really bothered by how much I dont care about myself when I always let my feelings for others consume me.
|
I read this...and felt a brief shudder go through me.
Earlier in another thread I briefly mentioned it was one year ago last month that my sister passed away.
Essentially, she died doing pretty much the same thing you describe above. She was on heavy meds for anti-depression. She'd gotten in an argument with her husband (he subsequently left the house and went out to a movie) - and she retired to the bedroom for the remainder of the evening.
He returned to the house later that night and slept on the sofa without going upstairs. The next morning he went upstairs to the bedroom and was unable to wake her in bed. She wasn't breathing and he called 911. She was pronounced not long after.
The toxicology results showed that she'd taken high doses of the meds, combined with alcohol. She'd done it in the past to "zone out" (as she'd put it) - but not in a lethal quantity.
My point to telling this here and now (since I've not spoken of it on GFY when it happened) is - get help. Get counciling of some sort - get in with a support group and admit you've got a problem.
I don't know you personally, of course - but your experience above has the warning signs all over it.
Get help before it's too late.
