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As a loyal show attendee for both companies' events, may I make these following suggestions:
1. A meeting HAS to happen, and since both companies are fairly close to each other, have a 3rd party make reservations for lunch somewhere where there's good food and quiet enough to talk. Let me know and I'll be happy to make the arrangements.
2. Leave the egos at the door. Be like-minded and solution oriented, keeping an eye on the bigger picture=the industry. AVN and XBiz are corner stones in our B2B establishment, and a lot of business takes place at your shows.
3. Figure out a way to do 1 show with combined efforts and dollars. Both companies have excellent relationships with hospitality companies, let's see who can get the most bang for the buck. They also have staff and resources that can split the to-do list and get stuff done.
4. When creating the show look at it from the attendees perspective first, then the sponsors, then the show organizers. Shows shouldn't be for profit, especially if they are put on by media companies who depend on the industry for advertising money.
5. It's okay to charge a fee, just don't rape us.
Having a fee helps filter out a lot of people just showing up for the free alcohol and hopes of seen tits. I think most people will be okay if the show ticket goes between $100-$150 pp, with discounted or free passes for models.
6. Get us the group rate at the hotel so that it's actually cheaper to book it through the show than through the hotel directly. Sometimes there is a ridiculous price difference between the two. Aside from imprinted room keys and shwag drops in the rooms, there isn't any difference from our rooms and other guests' rooms in the same hotel if our show hotel isn't exclusive to us. (But the ideal show has the hotel all to ourselves, of course).
7. Aside from cocktails at dusk each night, and perhaps a closing party, there isn't a need to have a sponsored party every night. That will help keep costs lower and give attendees time to enjoy the venue/city/each others' companies.
8. Speed networking and show & sell/corridor cruise/meet & mix type events work. Lead with that, don't schedule these events during seminars and people will walk away from the show feeling the gratified. Information, ideas, and solutions is what it's all about. AVN did a great job at Internext Miami with the affordable Mix and Meet sponsorship and got lots of participation. Xbiz has the handle on speed networking, I like how they run it several times per day and try not to conflict with seminars. That's smart planning.
9. Instead of seminars, how about workshops like the ones The Atlanta Forum offered last year. There was a non-industry training company that provided instructional workshops that teaches real job skills. Things like Time Management, Bargaining & Negotiating, The Art of Leadership, etc. These guys break it down to information you can actually use and utilize.
10. Agree to disagree on a number of other issues you may have but bury the hatchet on this one. A combined effort show from the two of you adult media giants can only be phenomenal, if you both just BRING IT. Both companies have had awesome shows in the past, it would be pretty spectacular to see you combine forces.
Good luck and kudos to Helmy for reaching out. Hope Darren is reading this too.
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