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Generally I tip quite well (when the service is good or if the waitress has a great ass) - but if a waitress or bartender asked me for a tip I wouldn't mince words and just say, "A tip is for good service...maybe if I come here again and the service has improved...you'll get a tip."
If I get any lip after saying that, I'd reply with, "Fuck off, you audacious asshole."
Years ago I worked for a company delivering appliances, and I recall a delivery we did late on Christmas eve to a posh house on the outskirts of town. Upon arriving we discovered the stacker washer/dryer combo had to go up a circular metal staircase to the second floor. It took two of us over an hour to brute-force the appliance one step at a time up the staircase. Major back-breaking effort.
After we got it installed, we were just getting ready to leave when a pizza guy showed up at the customer's door. The homeowner paid for the pizza and gave the guy a $3 buck tip.
The customer thanked us for the delivery and showed us the door - without offering us a tip at all.
On Christmas eve, no less.
I never forgot that.
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