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First, you need to diversify. The way paypal loves to freeze funds and lock accounts putting all your eggs in the paypal basket is a bad idea for any business.
I think you are best off securing your own merchant account and the working with a gateway, I suggest Netbilling.
As a dating site, you should have a ton of info at your disposal to fight the chargeback. Call paypal's dispute department and put together an packet for them including the uesr's IP addresses, email address, profile information and pics.
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