posting an update for everyone that gave advice
I kept my appointment and checked out the kenpo place. Instructor was nice, and it looked like everyone was enjoying the lessons. It reminded me a lot of TKD but with more emphasis on kata and forms and memorizing techniques. They practiced with a partner but didn't use pads or strike each other. Kenpo doesn't really seem to be what I'm looking for right now.
I also checked out an aikido school after a couple recommendations in the thread here. The school was neat, and students were practicing with fucking swords. Pretty badass, but not really what I'm looking for.
Next I checked out a muay thai / bjj school near me based on advice from Anthony. Students fought in a boxing ring and the moves looked really effective, but I'm looking for more of a self defense training than training for competition. This was real close to what I was looking for though.
I decided on doing krav maga. I found a school near me that is run by an isreali team. Students practice full strength with each other using pads and protective gear. Pretty similar to the muay thai stuff I saw, in fact some of the elbows and knee strikes are taken from muay thai. This school placed an emphasis on self defense which I really liked and was looking for. They also deal with some grappling, which I asked about. Besides the lessons with full contact pads, there are also sparring sessions on Saturday mornings.
I've signed up for a krav maga course, with lessons twice a week, that will get me up to an intermediate level. After that course is done, I'll probably take the intermediate lessons once a week and do jiu jitsu once a week also.
If anyone wants a little more info on krav maga, there's a very good 5 part "Human Weapon: Krav Maga" linked here
https://youtube.com/watch?v=XcyrG...eature=related
Thank you everyone for the advice and discussion