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HighlyIntoxicated · 02-14-2010, 04:44 AM

Bayron Reyes Lopez was listening to his radio too loud at 4:30 in the morning, when police knocked on his door responding to noise complaints. There was no answer. When they found the door unlocked, the officers opened it on an empty apartment, because Lopez had just hurled himself out the third story window. He took a 30-foot flying leap of faith, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade style, because somebody knocked on his door?and he did it instantly. Knock knock. Who?s the- Fuck that! Window.

An hour and a half later, police receive a call about a crazed man who ?appeared, screaming, in front of Julie Donnelly, a 34-year-old woman out walking her dog.? Note that: ?Appeared, screaming.? As in, he was already screaming when she just happened to show up. Just? just screaming at the sunrise. The man then ?charged her, grabbed her dog by the neck, choked it and slammed it into the pavement before running off.? Again, that is an instant decision from Mr. Lopez: ?Nice dog you got there, you mind if I CHOKESLAM!? ? and then he is gone like some sort of dickhead Batman. A few minutes later police found Lopez at the Rancho San Clemente Tennis Club, completely naked, lying on the ground pouring hot coffee on himself. They arrested him, because it?s outside of police procedure to give a man a viking funeral before he?s technically dead.

?He may have been under the influence of drugs,? police told the local newspaper. That is their actual quote.

He leapt out a third story window, wrestled a dog to death with his bare hands after a passerby interrupted his screaming session, then stripped naked and covered himself in burning coffee? and police are not willing to commit to his status RE:Drugs.

Here?s a hint: It?s very. His status is ?very drugs.?

02-14-2010, 04:44 AM
HighlyIntoxicated Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 542	Awesome news article: "Might Be On Drugs, Say Authorities" Bayron Reyes Lopez was listening to his radio too loud at 4:30 in the morning, when police knocked on his door responding to noise complaints. There was no answer. When they found the door unlocked, the officers opened it on an empty apartment, because Lopez had just hurled himself out the third story window. He took a 30-foot flying leap of faith, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade style, because somebody knocked on his door?and he did it instantly. Knock knock. Who?s the- Fuck that! Window. An hour and a half later, police receive a call about a crazed man who ?appeared, screaming, in front of Julie Donnelly, a 34-year-old woman out walking her dog.? Note that: ?Appeared, screaming.? As in, he was already screaming when she just happened to show up. Just? just screaming at the sunrise. The man then ?charged her, grabbed her dog by the neck, choked it and slammed it into the pavement before running off.? Again, that is an instant decision from Mr. Lopez: ?Nice dog you got there, you mind if I CHOKESLAM!? ? and then he is gone like some sort of dickhead Batman. A few minutes later police found Lopez at the Rancho San Clemente Tennis Club, completely naked, lying on the ground pouring hot coffee on himself. They arrested him, because it?s outside of police procedure to give a man a viking funeral before he?s technically dead. ?He may have been under the influence of drugs,? police told the local newspaper. That is their actual quote. He leapt out a third story window, wrestled a dog to death with his bare hands after a passerby interrupted his screaming session, then stripped naked and covered himself in burning coffee? and police are not willing to commit to his status RE:Drugs. Here?s a hint: It?s very. His status is ?very drugs.?