Quote:
Originally posted by Ampiezza
how else can it be controlled though? I don't think the power of positive thinking is gonna work in this case....
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I was bi-polar in high school. Ok, so I was self-diagnosed and I'm probably wrong, but I had every symptom. My life was a complete roller coaster.
One day I would be high as a kite, it's unexplainable. I actually felt like I was floating. A surge of energy would be rushing through my body, ALL day. I loved everyone, and everyone loved me. It was absolutely crazy. I couldn't figure out what was going on, but it made me feel like I had total control over my life.
The following weeks after a "high" were absolute hell. I was always depressed. I hated my life. I felt like I was a terrible burden, not only on my family but also my friends AND society. During my lows, I cried myself to sleep every night asking God questions about life and myself. This was the point in time I still had SOME faith in God.
I'm the type of person who never asks for help, no matter how much I need it. And I never like to give others the impression that I'm upset or depressed, so I always hid my feelings. Nobody really knew what I was going through, even my friends. To this day, my family still has no idea and only a few friends know.
Due to this and the fact that I don't believe in psychological medicine unless the case is very extreme, I never saw a doctor and refused to look into treatment options.
One morning of the summer after my junior year I woke up and something seemed different, I couldn't pinpoint what it was. The sun was shining, was a beautiful day, and the birds were chirping. My little brother was going crazy in the other room playing Final Fantasy 7 and my mom was making lunch.
Something clicked.
I still don't know what clicked, but it clicked. It was like I woke up from a terrible nightmare full of lies. I could almost see the polluted clouds in my head be pushed aside to make way for the bright sun.
It was over. The Hell I called life had stopped. I stopped crying. I stopped blaming God. And I stopped looking for answers to questions that nobody could explain.
That day was the beginning of my real life. I had goals; graduation day was coming up, soon I was moving to San Diego all by myself, and I was ready to meet new people and start a new life from scratch.
So yeh, nice little warm and fuzzy story, eh? I've been depression free for almost 3 years and I've loved every day of it. Life sucks sometimes, you just need to roll with the punches. When life throws you a curveball, step up to the plate and hit the fucker out of the ballpark.
Amp, don't be afraid of what lies ahead. Be excited. Now that you've identified your enemy, it's time to defeat it.