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Just touch a little but on the CB / Refund issue you can't assume everyone who is refunded is a dissatisfied customer and everyone who charges back is fraud.
In my experience people really do call first to see what the charge is before processing a CB. If someone calls in and it's a clear cut fraud case then they are instantly issued a refund. You would be a fool not to. So that's one case where a refund can be CC fraud.
One thing I love about Discover is that they send retreval requests, it;s like a friendly heads up letter that says something to the effect of- "Hey merchant, so and so is saying they didn't make the charges from card number and want to process a chargeback."
From there you can pull up the account and act accordingly. If it looks like fraud, naturally you are going to refund it. There's another way a refund is also CC fraud. Alot of people automatically refund all retreval requests and I can totally understand that. Card companies and merchant banks do not fuck around, as online merchants- especially in adult you have to keep a narrow thin margin.
Also with chargebacks alot of it is friendly fraud. Wife wants to know what the charge is for or they forgot to cancel and they could really use that money so they try to charge back their whole membership. This has nothing to do with the quality of the site or the service.
I've always worked in the dating industry, so I'm in a slightly different position than most of you guys reading this. My advantage is not only do I have an email and an IP, but I have a location, physical description, personal details and in alot of cases I have photos and phone numbers. When a customer throws some friendly fraud at me you can bet your monkey ass I fight it.
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