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What it boils down to is trying to prove that leaving was the first time around was the wrong choice. Chances of coming to that decision? 50/50 at best? Probably more like 25/75 against. Reason being that as a principled young man you made your first choice to leave when you had absolute clarity. Nothing has changed that decision.
Just because life in suburbia failed you (like it does for most intelligent people) doesn't mean that your original decision was wrong, it just means that you didn't find the right alternative.
I suggest you take a hard look at yourself and find out how you can use your considerable talents in some outdoor pursuit. I would suggest trying something like trapping (form of hunting) because it takes you out of the city for a few days at a time, puts you in touch with nature, and more importantly yourself.
Give it a try. Take a tent, and some basic foodstuffs and see how you get on hunting for your food, foraging for wild edible plants and cooking on your own.
My gut tells me that basically you need to find yourself again, having lost touch over the years because of the urban decay you choose to replace the army.
One of my goals is to build my own outdoor cabin in the wilderness and hike, canoe and hunt. I'm lucky that where I live offers some of the best outdoors in the world and this is wholly attainable for me. But maybe its something you might need at this point.
You have nothing to lose but the gradual decay of your current urban hell.
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