Slick

This was posted on another board and I know we're not supposed to link to other boards, so I figured I'd just paste the post here for some motivation. I've been a full timer for over 10 years now and is scares the shit outta me thinking that this eventually could be me in the future.

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First week back at 8-5 job after 7 years of being a porn webmaster

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It had to happen sometime. My porn income has increase dramatically. I am making 30 percent of what I used to a few years ago. I went from making around 10k a month to now making less than 3k (before taxes)... And this month is looking a lot, lot worse. So I had no choice but to look for a job and I suppose I should be lucky I found one, although to be perfectly honest I do not feel lucky at all.

Its been 7 years since I worked a real job and the first week was HELL. First of all, I am not used to working a set schedule and waking up so early, plus half an hour commute each way. It's hard getting used being "forced" to interact with people in the office. Luckily I do not have to talk to customers and such but even dealing with other people is painful. No one has been mean to me, no one has picked on me, no one bullied me etc, yet it's still very hard to adjust because some people are already getting on my last nerve.

I feel really micro managed at work but that's just the way they do things. That's their procedure and that's how the owner wants it. I feel completely stressed and anxious all the time although the job itself is not hard. This whole weekend I was miserable, I couldn't enjoy my weekend because I know it will end soon. (Its already Sunday). Every little thing that happened during the weekend that wasted my precious time, such as slow cars in traffic or someone making me wait for 15 min or having to wait in line etc would make me almost want to cry, because it was taking away from my "Free Time" and "freedom" because I know that soon I will be a slave again for 40 hours. I feel tense and anxious even during my free time; I keep thinking about this irritating individual at work and how to deal/speak with him next time I see him and what I should have said last time. I keep thinking of stuff I need to re-do and correct on Monday. It's like I'm pretty much still at work; even my weekends are no longer free because I'm so stressed by work that my whole weekend was spent obsessing and stressing over it.

Like I said, the job is not hard! It's the people and dealing with the people etc. I have been feeling so miserable and depressed the whole weekend. On Friday I just layed in bed all night with no strength to do anything else, no strength to even go out to dinner; work is so draining.

Let me tell you, it is HARD to adjust to working full time after being self employed for many years. It is painful. It physically hurts. I don't think it's this job, I think I would have trouble adjusting to any job after being self employed for 7 years. I feel like dying thinking about having to wake up at 6am tomorrow again and going to work again in order make someone else rich.

I don't even have energy to work on my sites and stuff when I get home because I am literally EXHAUSTED by the time I get home. I don't know if I'm not used to it yet or what, but all I feel like doing when I get home is SLEEP. Its not a matter of eating right or exercising etc for more energy. It's that I feel like my soul has been drained and sucked right out of me after a long day, I no longer have the will and power to do anything else.

When I was my own boss I would ALWAYS sleep in. I could go to the beach during the day or whatever I felt like. No matter how much I worked I never had stress because I could sleep in. I didn't have to worry about getting fired or dealing with annoying, irritating people. If I didn't like someone I could tell them to fuck off. I didn't have to commute. As long as I was making $ it was all good.

It really sucks bad. I should have appreciated it more when I was my own boss and I should have saved my money more and re-invested more into the business and started new projects. Not just be a moron and do the same thing over and over; submit picture galleries (which doesn't make the same $ before as many years ago). I was just lazy and now I'm so fucked. I'm going to cry again because tomorrow is Monday already. Another 5 days of torture ahead.

Lucky I still have porn $ coming in. I just don't have strength/time to work on my sites or do ANYTHING at all after work. I just feel like sleeping.

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