I'm not kidding. How about something like this?
http://www.amazon.com/CAD-U1-Dynamic...42395&sr =1-6
Surely that's got to be better than mumbling into your laptop's built-in microphone. If you're for real T-Rain, hit me up, setup a wishlist, and I'll hook it up in the X-mas spirit. just keep the flows coming. Maybe we can track you down a nice USB condenser mic on Ebay for a good price or something...