02-24-2011, 04:39 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2005
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What's your most embarrassing "Dad's Porn" moment? Ask Reddit
I hope this isn't a re-post. Visit the link and read the comments. They are fucking funny as hell. 
Quote:
When I was a teenager I discovered my folks had a small but diverse collection of porn stuffs. Included in this collection were a bunch of mags and a few VHS movies. Everything was really budget and corny as hell, but it got the job done at the time. The movies were the real treasure of the lot. For you youngsters out there, this was before the internet so an older family member's collection was really the only option going. For those of you who never experienced it, it should be noted here that VHS can be a seriously cruel mistress.
If someone showed up unexpectedly and walked in on you: totally fucked. There's no quickly closing a window and pretending to play minesweeper. Were talking multiple remotes, changing channels, getting the tape out, the logistics are a nightmare. Then there's always the chance that the VCR will just chew up and spit out the tape, or worse, chew it up and not spit it out...Terror. Luckily I did not succumb to any of these pitfalls. I was meticulous and calculating, a masturbation ninja of sorts. I would even wind the tape back to the exact spot I had found it at to avoid detection, but I digress.
At the end of one of the movies was a series of previews for "Cumming Attractions." One of these, The Lust Detector, had a particularly catchy theme song. Fast forward to a Saturday morning: My Dad and I did landscaping for a condominium complex on weekends in the summertime. We were standing on ladders hand pruning a crab-apple tree from opposite sides...when...it...happened...
Out of the blue I start humming the bass line to the theme song of Lust Detector at "outdoor voice" volume: Ba-da-dum, Ba-da-da-da-dum-dum, Ba-da-dum-da-dum. Ba-da-dum, Ba-da-da-da-dum-dum, Bah-da----- Suddenly, just as I'm about bust into the chorus, I realize what I'm doing and stop on a dime. I can hear that my dad has stopped pruning on the other side. We can't see each other, so I have no idea what expression is on his face, but my stomach is in my fucking throat at this point. There is a protracted and very awkward silence...the he lets out a deep sigh and starts pruning. I follow suit. The rest of the day goes on as normal.
At the first opportunity I check on the stash. EVERYTHING IS GONE. FML. Some years later I found the mags buried away in the attic, but I never saw that whore of a VHS again. No words have ever been exchanged between my father and I on this subject...I am now 30.
tl;dr: As a teenager I accidentally the theme song to one of my dad's porno's while in his presence...years of awkwardness.
EDIT: Wow, Reddit, you guys/als are fucking killing it. This has far exceeded my expectations. I have been alternately laughing hysterically and feeling genuine remorse for the past three hours. To those of sharing emotionally traumatizing experiences from your past, it wasn't my intent to dredge up those feelings, but thank for posting. It's truly moving. To the rest of you clowns, keep fuckin' that chicken!!!
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Email: fenris_wolf3000 (a t ) yah00 . c 0 m 
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