It's astonishing and scary realizing how much of a being the addictions can become.. you said you miss drinking like a dead brother.. I always said that vodka was my second wife. Always said, the bitch is killing me, but at least she never lied to me.
Same thing with smoking. Nicotine has a much worse withdrawl, for me, it really does cause my brain to evoke any horrible emotion it can. Including the "lost loved one" one.
I never had any idea it was even like that, not really, until I studied addiction a bit
http://whyquit.com/whyquit/joelcigfriend.html these are good little articles
http://whyquit.com/joel/Joel_03_13_stages_of_death.html
Occasional alcohol use doesn't produce the same withdrawl. It's more psychological than it is physiological. When I was a constant alcohol abuser and quit - yeah there was horrible shakes and visions and things.
Humans with addictions LIVE FOR THEM ... it's ridiculous!!! Use nicotine. Go into withdrawl within an hour. Use again. More withdrawl. That's my life. I've been broke and bought it over food, before. Unbelievable that I could look down on "real drug addicts" when nicotine and caffeine and alcohol have run my life, for so long