DamianJ

He already linked to it once, I already pulled out the salient points. How can you still be confused?

http://www.adultmarketing.co.uk/2010...gspotcash-net/

Free site critique of GSpotCash.net

Wow. This is a long one. I wanted to show people on GFY what I do when I help people with porn sites make more money. One of the things I love doing is copy writing. So I?ve taken Gary?s brand new site, which one assumes he spell checked at least, and have taken it to pieces bit by bit. I?ve tried to explain the mistakes he has made, and then also offered corrections and replacements. On top of this, I have also totally rewritten the copy and included that too. Gary?s original copy is in a block quote:

GspotProductions offers 2 mega sites with leak free tours!
arsewithclass.com //southerncumsluts.com

So, the most important thing you are selling is that your site has a leak free tour? That?s not a good idea. How about a more compelling USP? Try this:

?G-Spot Productions is proud to offer our affiliates a unique thing in adult. The personal touch. We?re pro-ams ? as you can see from the spelling mistakes LOL ? so you know that you?re really talking to us when you email. This is really us, really our site and really we care about helping you make as much money as possible.?

Both mega sites include 2 collections of niches & individual solo star sites.

A) You haven?t mentioned any megasites in the copy, how does the reader know what you mean? B) They are not megasites. That words has a very specific meaning in porn terms and if you use it incorrectly you will piss off affiliates that know what they are talking about.

What does ?2 collections of niches? mean and how can you have a solo site that is not individual. Be definition it is. Instead just cut that whole part, it means nothing.

With leak free tours, you have satisfaction that every visitor you send to us, shall be contented with surfing our network.

Again with the leak free tour? That really is the base standard thing an affiliate will expect. It?s not a USP to crow about. Also, your grammar is wrong. ?every visitor shall be contented with? should be

?every visitor you send us will be more than content with our network.?

However, that isn?t the point. When you construct a sentence it is like two sides of a see saw. You say that BECAUSE of your leak free tours, the surfers I send will be content with your network. Would be better to make sense. So you could say:

?With leak free tours, you know the clicks you send stay on the site.?

or

?Our huge network of sites has so much content, your surfers will stay members for months, making you even more money.?

But you can?t mix them up. And you should shut up about the leak-free tour. Really.

Every website gives your traffic full membership to both mega sites which at present, includes all 14 individual sites which are linked together.

Again, you mention the megasites, but they are not megasites. Try this:

?Our two flagship sites gives members immediate access to 14 exclusive sites. This massive amount of quality, exclusive content keeps the members rebilling and rebilling and rebilling.

Surfers can spend a few hours entertained in the Gspot area.

This means nothing. Delete.

Send traffic today & earn money as your visitors pay for membership.

- Well, obviously they are earning money from visitors paying for memberships. This sentence means nothing either. Delete.

Providing fresh, exciting exclusive content for our members, surfers & you, our affiliates.

Just a total mess grammatically and has no visible point. By providing free content you do what? It?s that whole thing about a sentence being like two things on a see saw. Let me give you an example:

?By providing fresh, exciting content we keep our members happy for longer. And you?ll be pleased because that content also is made available in our brilliant promo tools.?

We offer free clips & previews in wmv & flv format, High quality mage galleries,

*high *image

corner peels & banners, all available for use from our dedicated servers with 24/7 uptime.

-OK. A) What the hell else other kind of server are you gonna run 14 pay sites on? Of course it is dedicated. B) One doesn?t refer to a server as having 24/7 uptime. You would have 5 9s (99.999%). One refers to server uptime in percentile terms, not hours of the day. Also, you?re not selling hosting, so why go into it? Instead:

*We offer video clips in a variety of formats format and high quality image galleries, page peels and banners. Everything you need is there, but if you do need something bespoke, just let me know and I will shoot it for you. We really are just a horny couple having a laugh, so if you need something special, we?d love to do it for you.

We want to give low cost & efficient means of advertising!

Tautology. Low-cost is efficient. And how does your service make them efficient or low cost anyway? Delete this.

Were here 22hrs of a day giving you the commitment you deserve.

First good sentence. Shame it has 4 mistakes in it.

?We?re here 22 hours a day giving you the commitment you deserve.?

Natalie K also has a leakfree blog with pictures & descriptive stories about her week & the content we have shot. This can be linked for affiliate use.

SHUT UP about it being leak free! And people do not need a description of what a blog is. And people definitely do not need to be told they can use promo content. Instead realise the blog isn?t a promo tool and delete that part.

At present we have a couple of new girls started working for us at GspotProductions. We shall be designing their sites over the next few months as we continue to update their content.

This is an OK paragraph. Only comment is that people will be surprised it takes you months to get the content for a site, when you have very little content on most of your sites.

We also have another couple of original websites ready to filter into our collection with no extra fees set in the future.

What fees? Do you think affiliates are used to be charged? Delete the fees section and the filter thing:

?We?ve also got a couple of brand new sites ready to become part of the G Spot Productions network. More on this when they launch.

Our content includes new male actors & some niches that have not been seen as yet. Hoping to set a new area in the adult market, we can offer yourself as an affiliate a decent income with the commitment we can provide. Updating our websites everyweek. We are proud to say that we give our affiliates personal attention & can be reached through email, icq, or over the phone. You can link to our updates page to keep your traffic updated with our recent events, films & content.


Again, not bad. I will just correct the multitude of mistakes:

*Our content includes new male actors and some niches that have not even been seen! We hope to set a new standard in the adult market. As our affiliate, we can offer you a decent income with the commitment we can provide. We update our websites every week. We?re proud to say that we give our affiliates personal attention & can be reached through email, ICQ or over the phone. You can link to our updates page to keep your traffic updated with our recent events, films and content.

However, I would scrap it all. It?s really boring. I would do something more like this:

?Hi and welcome to G-Spot Productions. I?m Gary and this horny lady is my wife Nat. We?ve been running our sites for over five years now and when it comes to amateur porn we know what sells.

We?ve got 14 sites in our network now, with more launching all the time. Every site is updated every single week, so your surfers will rebill and rebill and rebill.

Cos we do this for ourselves, you know you are going to get The Personal Touch. One of us is around 22 hours a day and we always will answer your calls and emails. When you make money, we make money so we really do care about helping you maximise your revenue.

Along with the usual banners, page peels, FHGs we offer something special. Totally bespoke promo content. We?re small and swift. We can make you anything you want to promote our sites. Got a crazy idea involving whipped cream and midgets? Call us up an we?ll sort it out for you.

There is no big brains behind this operation, it?s just me, Gary. and I care passionately about making the best possible porn and making you the most money you can get. So sign up now and grab our content and start pushing hot ?n? horny Nat!?

So there you have it. If you want me to help you make your site's copy less boring, then get in touch.