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The OP should also consider .380 autos. The advantage of an auto for home defense is the clip can be kept apart from the pistol, making it somewhat safer to have in the house, if that kind of safety is a concern.
Less kick than a 9mm or similar, and .380s are typically sized for a woman's hands, for concealment and purse carry.
Personally I think it's a good round, real fun to shoot.
So, go with her to the gun shop, and ask to see the .38s and the .380s, see what she thinks.
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