Wow VJo I am REALLY sorry to hear that man. I went out for breakfast hoping to return to some good news but sadly that was not the case.
I understand what you're going through because of this:
When I was 9 my dog and center of my life, peanut, got hit by a car and died. I had him since I was four and named him Peanut because my favorite books then were Snoopy books. LOL Plus, I loved peanut butter....
Anyway, he was a Beagle mix and always getting out of the fenced-in backyard (somehow). He would dig under, jump over, anything to run free. Well, he got out around 9 o'clock, my mom let him out in the back yard. Ten minutes later he was gone. We looked everywhere but then a neighbor called and said a dog had been hit up the street, maybe it was peaut. My dad and I race there, he's lying the street. I stay with him while Dad gets the car 9and mom). We race to the vet. It's now maybe 11:30 at night. My Dad driving, Mom in the front seat, me in the back seat, holding Peanut in my lap, wrapped in a blanket. The vet was twenty minutes away. "Hurry Dad! Hurry!"
Peanut, breathing heavily, started breathing more shallow, and just before he died he lifted his head and looked right in my eyes, as if to say 'Sorry', 'Good-bye' and 'I Love You' all at the same time. He died in my arms.
Four four months I was a wreck. Finally, just to help me heal (I was doing crazy shit like pretending Peanut wasn't actually dead, just hiding under the couch, so i would come home from school and go 'Peanut! ome out from under the couch!' I was a fucking mess, at nine years old. (Explains a lot, eh?)
So they got me another dog four months later, let me pick her out, a little blond butterball named Buttercup. LOL She lived 19 years. I still have her ashes. Greatest (doggy) love of my life.
So i understand, from a dog not cat perspective, your pain my friend. Obviously I can still remember every detail of Peanut's death 35 years later so this shit never really leaves you.
But new love, new joys, new friendships are there for you, when you're ready VJo, in the form of a new kitty "life partner" best friend/companion. When you're ready.
Big hug to VJo on a day like this.
