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Old 09-18-2011, 05:46 PM  
garce
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No better way to make a hearty, satisfying snack than to use processed cheese and HORMEL FUCKING CHILI! You'd be better off just sucking on a hotdog rolled in sodium nitrite and deep fried in bacon fat.

Chili and cheese dip are two if the easiest things on the face of the earth to make - and you don't have to use any shit manufactured by Kraft or Hormel to enjoy them.

Hint: A real "recipe" does not include opening a can, a box, or ripping open a bag. Any recipe that calls for any of these actions is not a recipe - its marketing.

Reading this thread is like reading about somebody bragging that they made Kraft Dinner, or cracked open a can of Spaghetti-O's.

Off the top of my head, here's a simple recipe for a cheese dip:

Ingredients:
2 tbsp butter
Pinch of salt (not needed if you use salted butter)
Pinch of pepper
1 tsp mustard (any kind you have)
2 tbsp flour
1/4 cup white wine or white wine winegar. Actually, any mildly flavoured acid will do in a pinch - and this step is optional. Just adds a bit of tang to the sauce.
1tbsp Paprika
2 cups skim milk
2 cups of your favourite meltable cheese (chedder, mozza, cream, Jack... better if you use more than one cheese). Grated if its not already creamed.
2tbsp Grana Padano.

Melt butter over medium / low heat. - just until it bubbles. Add a pinch of salt (optional) and a pinch of pepper. Combine with whisk, then add flour, stirring constantly. Cook for one to two minutes to cook out the taste of the flour. DO NOT brown the mixture. This is not a rue, its a bechamel. Keep it white, bro.

(What you have is a base for a white or bechamel sauce - which can be used as the base for 100s of different sauces. Difference is: For a bechamel sauce, you might use 2tbsp of butter and 2tbsp of flour per cup of milk. As the cheese in this recipe will thicken this sauce, you will be using twice as much milk.)

Add mustard. Add vinegar or white wine (Optional. Shit, pour in some Frank's or Tabasco or Death Rain if you prefer... just get a bit of acid into the bechamel) Stir until combined. ADD YOUR ACIDS BEFORE ADDING YOUR MILK. Unless you want curds and whey, or buttermilk cheese dip...

Add 1 cup of skim milk (there's butter and flour in the pot already - you DO NOT need whole milk or cream unless you're a fat fuck). Stir constantly. Sauce will thicken.

Add paprika. Stir. Add remaining milk, reduce heat until sauce begins to bubble very slowly. High temperatures will seperate your fats and make your sauce grainy. That sucks. Low and slow.

When your white sauce hits a slow simmer, add your chosen cheeses. Stir constantly until melted. If your heat is too high, the cheese will seperate. If that happens, throw it out, open a jar of Cheeze Whiz (or fucking Velveeta!), pop it in the microwave, and make sure your health insurance is paid up.

When your cheese sauce is creamy and smooth, grate in a couple tbsp's of Grana Padano - or any other dry, salty cheese. Serve hot over vegetables or crunchy nachos, or let it cool in the fridge for a thick, creamy dip. Also works great for homemade Mac and Cheese.

Obviously, you can chop in some jalapenos or red peppers, onion, roasted garlic - whatever flavours you want. Pop in some red onion, some jalapenos, some seeded and skinned tomato, green and red pepper for a lip-smacking Queso.

Its sounds complicated, but it literally takes less than ten minutes. You'll have the best tasting, most versatile cheese dip ever - low in sodium, no preservatives, low in fat. Well, low in fat compared to fucking Velveeta...
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