Here's a review of the Rio show:
A Tuneless Axl Rose is Slammed by Critics
October 06, 2011 06:55 AM EDT
Fans were willing to forgive a fat Axl Rose when he appeared two hours late for Guns N' Roses recent Rio gig, but the ginger fruitcake rewarded their patience with a half-baked performance.
Critics and fans alike have turned on the red-headed renegade after he casually and systematically murdered his legendary band's back catalogue in an appalling display of absolute mediocrity
Backed by his usual ban of personality free half-wits, the flame haired Axl put all of his considerable weight into pulling off the sort of sub-standard show that his old nemesis Bret Michaels would have been proud of.
In fact, the former lead singer from the rocking '80s band, Poison, who don't need "nothing but a good time", is probably in his oils and pleasuring himself silly with the nearest guitar after numerous reports have appeared in the press slamming Axl Rose's poor performance, and revealing in great detail the poor ginger rock god's struggle with obesity.
It's been reported that at Brazil's Rock in Rio festival, Axl Rose and his band of merry meat heads failed to arrive on stage until 2:45am local time - two hours later than billed.
Pictured is Axl before the pie addiction got out of hand.
Axl Rose would have been forgiven his punctuality problems by the sweating and hungry hordes if the vocal vocalist had delivered the goods, but like one of those tone-deaf retards who America believes has got talent, Axl went on to casually murder his fondly regarded back catalogue in the systematic and methodical manner of a born psychopath.
When the all singing and all dancing tub of lard took to the rain-soaked stage he snarled, "Good evening, good morning. Please bear with us and give us a little second here to figure out what to do about not falling on our asses.
"I'm gonna try to focus on singing rather than running around like an idiot. I'm better at being an idiot. We want everybody to be careful."
It's a shame Axl Rose could not have been just as careful about looking after his voice over the years. As he metaphorically fell on his ass again and again and again, critics slammed the great ginger hope of our times for "screaming like an old lady", and "venting like a strangled cat."
The fat has been was clearly out of breath between songs and many a fan shed a tear at the ravages old father time had visibly inflicted upon both Axl's voice and appearance.
Welcome to the jungle, Axl. Do you know where you are?
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