Overload

ok, 2nd try ... an oldie but goodie ..

Anger management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello". I politely said, "This is Bill. May I please speak to Robyn?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "Get the right f***in number" and slammed down the phone on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up from her call, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!".

It always cheered me up.

When caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.

So I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "No" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "You're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?", I asked.

"Yes, I live at 1624 S.Tulsa in Ft.Smith. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"What's a good time to catch you Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes."

"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

"Hello"

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there ?", he asked.

"Yeah", I said.

"Stop calling me", he screamed.

"Make me", I said.

"Who are you?", he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah?, Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1624 S.Tulsa, Ft.Smith, a yellow house. My black Beemer is parked in front."

He said, I'm coming over right now, don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole", and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello asshole", I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?", I said.

"I'll kick your ass!", he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well asshole, Here's your chance. I'm coming right over, now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1624 S.Tulsa, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channed 5 News about the gang war going down on 1624 S.Tulsa.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to S.Tulsa.

I got there just in time to watch two asshole beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

Now! I feel much better!!!!

Anger management really works.........

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There aren't enough faces and palms on this planet for an appropriate reaction to religion.