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Go out and beat up the first old couple you walk into. Before you know it you'll be in the company of nice police men who will look after you and provide you with free meals and drinks. If you're lucky the old couple you beat up were the parents of one of those cops, he'll give you extra attention then and introduce you to the world of hard gay s+m.
Another option: go to the nearest animal shelter and pick a dog, or a bunch of cats.
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