Originally Posted by Quentin

Here's the .XXX ad I would like to have seen during their 'Sunrise' period:

A man in suit and tie sits at a lavish executive desk, the logo of his mainstream company displayed proudly on the wall of his corner office while he sifts through his morning email.

In walks a large goon of a man in an ill-fitting suit and thin, almost see-through socks. Gaudy pinky rings adorn his fingers, and he leans a wooden baseball bat against the wall as he enters. On the shirt beneath his coat, the letters 'ICM' are emblazoned.

[Executive] Hey, what are you doing in here?

The goon, ignoring the question, points to the logo on the wall and says, speaking in a thick North Jersey accent:

[Goon] Hey, this is a real nice brand you gots here, really nice. It would be a shame if something were to, you know... happen to it.

[Exectuve] Happen to it? What the hell do you mean by that?

[Goon] Nothing, really, I'm just sayin' - it would really be too bad if, just for one example, some pornographer were to, you know, register a .XXX domain name that had your brand name in it. I mean, that would look real bad for you, am I right?

[Executive] Well, maybe so, but I don't see how that explains why you're here right now...?

[Goon] Oh, I'm just here to offer my services, you know, so that nothing bad happens to your brand...

[Executive] Your "services?" What does that mean?

[Goon] I mean, for a reasonable fee, I can keep all those filthy pornographers from registering your brand name as a .XXX website.

[Executive] Can't my lawyers take care of that for me? My brand is trademarked.

[Goon] Well sure, but you know how lawyers are... [rubs his fingers together]

[Executive] Well, there's also the UDRP process...

[Goon] Yeah, but that costs a decent chunk of coin too, right? I'm talking about a few hundred bones here, no sweat for a successful guy like you.

[Executive] Well, honestly, I'm not sure why a porn company would....

[Goon] But what if they did? By the time your lawyers got involved.... too late; the whole world will think of porn when they think of your brand, no ifs ands or buts.

[Executive] OK, I'll tell you what, I'll think about it, OK?

[Goon] No time for that buddy! .XXX is here, and open registration is coming soon. You gots to act NOW, my friend. There are thousands of freakin perverts out there just waiting to mess with your brand, so you gotta beat 'em to the punch!

[Executive] Well... OK, if it's just a few hundred bucks, I guess I'm in. What's the baseball bat for, by the way?

[Goon] Oh, that? That's just here for my protection; I know how emotional you executive types can get.

Cut to .XXX logo displayed on screen. Out walks the Goon, pointing at the camera.

[Goon] Do you need Dot XXX? IFFOR-Gettaboutit

Close.