Scat in the Hat

Well, here it goes. I met this girl online about a year and a half ago. We have spent just about every free moment we had either chatting, skyping, talking on the phone usually for hours on end.

When we first met, it was an instant connection. As if we had known each other our entire lives, and then some.

There where some things here and there during our conversations that she would slip in, that seemed odd. Things that would give me immediate flashbacks of things that a previous employer would want to know. I don't want to get into the details, but let's just say that I have rattled some cages in the past (understatement really).

Anyways, I still played along, even adding a few comments, questions etc and gauging responses. After some months it became very clear to me that she was trying to gather information about me. Nevertheless, I always enjoy spending my time talking to her.

I ended up leaving the country a short while after we met online and I just recently returned. It got to the point that I started developing feelings for her and I became insecure, and started wondering whether or not she was spending all this time talking to me because she wanted to, or because of ulterior motives. I've told all this to her on several occasions before we met and she just denied it nonchalantly. If she was not a spy, I think the thought of that would have been so far out as to cause a freaked out reaction, but she was basically not even phased by the question.

Not only do I feel like I am in love with her, I have been getting the feeling that she feels the same way. Our last webcam session after I hinted about having feelings for her, she had the song "I knew I loved you before I met you" playing in the background and was singing along to it, and had tears in her eyes. When opening up about my insecurity, she had gone on to say that I am amazing, and has gone on about all the times I have been there for her etc etc.

We met last night for the very first time in our lives. It was nothing short of a magical feeling. Nonstop laughs, and and all around good time.

At the end of the dinner, and maybe it was the alcohol talking I brought up the whole spy issue again. And she denied it of course. Then I said "are you really never going to tell me" to which she just replied "nope". Then I said "so you`re gonna take it to the grave", to which she replied "yep".

Of course after the response I received I became a little upset, and then she went on to say that I ruined the night. She insisted on paying for dinner, which she did. I couldn't believe it.

Just before we parted ways, and as she was now also upset, I thanked her for dinner, then proceeded to tell her that maybe my mind was playing tricks on me because she is just too good to be true. We hugged, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and that was that.

I just don't know what to do at this point. We both obviously have real feelings for each other. But on the same note, I feel like I can't go on knowing that she is keeping this big secret from me.

I know some of you guys will think this is far fetched and crazy, but if you where in my shoes you would know that it's not.

I seriously just have no idea what to do at this point. I know we would be amazing together, but this would always be in the back of my mind.

GFY to the rescue!

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