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i can't say i quite know how you feel, never fucking some random girl on camera or off. any intimacy i engage in is with someone who isn't leaving right after its done, but at any rate, i applaude you for speaking how you feel, and how im sure many others have felt but said nothing out of fear of 'not looking like a real man'. get a real relationship, being happy should be what life is all about. get out of the biz if need be. sometimes ppl change.
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