Originally Posted by tfs

You are an embarrassment to beached whales everywhere.

I heard Nat Geo was shutting down their Beluga site because some fat fucking white dude managed to scarf up all the fish, crustaceans, and worms off the coast of Vancouver and Alaska. There are belly-up Beluga's and Humpbacks floating ashore with what looks to be a massive number of tiny human bite marks in their blubber. Their theory? Death by fat-man nibbling.

Even as I type this, scientists are taking plaster casts of the face imprint of the voracious carnivore that burrowed into these intelligent mammals. They're thinking that this fat, bloated predator didn't have access to unlimited Doritos - because the fat piece of shit ate them all. It then got hungry and went for a swim.

There is - apparently - a residue of imitation Nacho Cheese seasoning surrounding the little-bitty bite marks on these massive mammals.

They're going to compare the cast of the face imprint - and the little fat-man nibbly bite marks - to find out what kind of horror is actually hungry enough to dive into frigid water and eat a Humpback or Beluga alive.

Deadliest Catch is filming a new season soon - watch out for the crab traps, you fat fucking bottom-feeder. Best to come ashore while you can.