Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshGirls Josh
i had a HUGE objection to the 3rd step, turning over your life to the will of a higher power. That alone kept me from even considering any meetings for 5 years.
But things got so bad that i decided to give it a try. i went to meetings, but it didnt work, because i did not really try their suggestions to stay clean. I kept my user friends in my life, kept the secret of my using from my family, & did not try to connect with people at the meetings. so as soon as something went south, i went back to using.
As this year began, i decided to make every effort i can to stop using. i have followed all the suggestions, got a lot of phone #s, called them, have gone to every meeting, got rid of my user friends, changed my number, told my family about my using.
I am 36 days clean after being totally unable to go 2 hours without another hit. Its all because i have new friends, who have been through the withdrawals & burning desires & provide support when i need it, & believe me i need it. I am grateful for this program because i have found it impossible to stop by myself. i simply have no willpower without the support of other recovering addicts.
i found the higher power objections were a mirage. the spiritual side of the program is not religious dogma. it allows one to develop their own views about our spiritual nature. i still have issues with steps 2 & 3, but hope to work through them in time.
great program, & if anyone is using & feels hopeless about stopping, i suggest you give it a try. it works if you work it & die if you dont.
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Some nice amounts of time here, huge well done/kudos
Yeah step 3 I struggled with big time, for years my (ok one of them) mantra has been 'to see results you must take action', so all this handing over blah blah just went totally against my belief system. I kinda got around that by taking the view that 'what will be will be as long as I continue to take action to see results, and that in itself is the action of handing shit over'. Rightly or wrongly, it enabled me to get through that particular step.
And yeah, the religious connotations - it stopped me from going to my 2nd meeting around 15 years ago - this time I had what they call for want of a better phrase that gift of desperation, and I've obviously realised religion truly has zero to do with the program, and the word god is merely a catch-all phrase for whatever higher power you believe in, whether that's mother nature, fate, karma, the force, or a religious god if people are that way inclined.
Huge well done on your 36 (37/38 now?) days clean, it's my own personal belief that a month or so is about the length of time to develop a new habit, so you're on the right track for sure (even if my habit forming belief is a pile of shit lol). Keep it up mate, it turns into a totally different thing that the daily gripping-the-seat-trying-not-to-succumb experience I *thought* it was always going to be for me back when I started out with sobriety.