A customer enters a pet shop.
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closin' for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this cat what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian White...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a dead Cat when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable Cat, the Norwegian White, idn'it, ay? Beautiful fur!
C: The fur don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the cat)
'Ello, Mister Cat! I've got a lovely fresh fish for you if you show...(owner hits the basket)
O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the basket!
O: I never!!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the basket repeatedly) 'ELLO Pussy!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes cat out of the basket and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
C: Now that's what I call a dead cat.
O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Whites stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That cat is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged meooww.
O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
O: The Norwegian White prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable Cats, id'nit, squire? Lovely fur!
Etc Etc Etc......
