1.) Makeup. For some reason the same people who applied theatrical makeup in the 1920s are still alive and well and finding employment in the former Soviet Block.
2.) Zits. Just gotta have those guys covered ass to elbows in pimples.
3.) Women's hairstyles. Looking at Russian porn is like trying to figure out if Nick At Nite has gone into the porn industry.
4.) Suntans. It's more rare to see a suntan in a Russian porn vid than seeing a black guy on 'The Jetsons'.
5.) Black guys. Nope. None in Russian porn. Too cold up there I guess.
6.) Messy kitchens. For some reason it must be a turn on to have sex in a messy kitchen in Russia.
7.) Weird electrical outlets. Gotta have em'. It ain't good ol' Russian porn unless there's a rack of them 3 prong weird outlets dominating the shot.
8.) Strange product placement. Sure as heck there'll be bottles of beverages with writing only the Rosetta Stone could decipher as well as boxes of oats and cereals no kid in the western hemisphere would eat because the cartoon characters on the box covers look like they just escaped a gulag.
9.) Ugly. Now I'm not saying all Russian women are homely, they're not. Yet for some reason you can bet your bottom dollar that if the chick in the vid is uglier than dog-chawed cat's ass, it's a Russian porn shoot.
10.) Fashion. Dude, porkin' that chick with pro keds on and one of them old 'ZOOM' tv show polo shirts from 'Big Ben' department stores is soooo 1970s. If the Salvation Army, Red Cross and U.N. charity air drops knew the clothes they sent end up in porn shoots in Russia, they'd go postal.
11.) No Ron Jeremy. I think Stalin or Lenin killed everybody who looks like Ron Jeremy. Besides, Jeremy's got a tan so he'd be kicked out anyway.
